


Behind the Green Door

by 7r33h0u53r3fu633



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Dry Humping, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Neurosis, Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 17:24:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20195953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7r33h0u53r3fu633/pseuds/7r33h0u53r3fu633
Summary: Dan has some feelings about watching porn with someone else, it turns out.





	Behind the Green Door

"No way," said Dan, and he was giggling, rocking back and forth in his seat. He clutched at his stomach, trying to catch his breath, but he'd break into more peals of giggles whenever he looked at Arin's face.

"It is _totally_ a thing that people do," said Arin, his tone earnest. "I promise. It is."

"Yeah, but, like..." Dan was still giggling.

"Welcome back to Game Grumps," Arin said, "where we're talking about porn!"

"You're gonna make the Lovelies think that all we talk about is porn," grumbled Dan. 

"Yeah, only sixty percent of our conversations are about porn!" Arin's tone was scolding, before they were both cackling again. 

Dan bent over, trying to catch his breath, then flopped back, his head on the couch. "Well, like, I've watched porn with you, but I feel like watching porn with someone you're dating would be... different," he said. 

He didn't say _it's different now since we're kind of dating_ or maybe even _I worry you'll judge me more now that we've fucked_ because that wasn't the kind of thing that he said when they were recording in front of the internet at large, even if he was thinking it. He caught Arin's eye instead, and Arin winked at him.

Dan blushed, looking down at his hands, and he cleared his throat.

"I've watched porn with people I've dated before," he said. "Like, for funny reasons and for sexy reasons."

"I _did_ have a girlfriend that I used to rewind porn with," said Dan, and he grinned a bit in spite of himself, remembering how funny that had been. Admittedly, he had also been pretty high back then. 

"Rewind porn," Arin said, and then he looked over at Dan, his eyes wide. "Shit, we might have Lovelies who don't actually know what rewinding is!"

"Rewinding is still a thing," Dan said. "I mean, they might not know why it's _called_ that, but it's still a thing. There's the whole video called YouTube Rewind! That has to mean something, right?" 

"... Shit," said Arin, and he made an "explosion" symbol right near his head. "It's called "rewinding" because you're winding the tape back to where it was to begin with, aren't you?" 

"Well, yeah," said Dan, and he covered his mouth to keep from laughing all over again. "You know, like how you used to rewind tapes with the eraser side of a pencil?"

"Oh my fuck, dude, this is _blowing my mind_," said Arin. "Holy shit!"

"See, this is why I think you shouldn't ever smoke weed," said Dan. 

"Apart from the fact that the last time I smoked weed I freaked the fuck out," said Arin.

"Well, yeah, there's that, and there's also the fact that completely normal revelations are apparently knocking you on your ass," said Dan. "Did you never think about that?"

"I don't have to, like, think about rewinding that much these days," said Arin. "Since we live in the digital age and all of that."

"We are living in the digital world and you are a digital girl?" 

"You're getting mixed up," said Arin. "It's living in a _material_ world. I'm ashamed of you, Dan, that's _your_ era."

"A thousand pardons," said Dan, sketching a mock bow. "I do apologize for mixing up my eighties songs, thus going off brand."

"God forbid you go off brand," said Arin. "Anything but that."

"What even is our brand, at this point?" Dan's hand went to Arin's knee, squeezing it, and Arin paused, putting his hand over Dan's and squeezing it.

"Fart jokes and deep conversations about random shit?" Arin's hand left Dan's hand, to go back to the controller.

"Why not deep conversations about fart jokes?" Arin's tone was earnest.

"How do you even have a deep conversation about fart jokes?"

"I don't fuckin' know," said Arin. "There's the, uh, the sociological implications over the fact that we all find farting so funny."

"I don't actually find farting that funny," said Dan. "It's just you find it so funny that some of the funny rubs off on me."

"Rubs off, you say," said Arin, and he waggled his eyebrows like something out of a Marx brothers cartoon. 

Dan cackled, curling forward, his mouth falling forward, and Arin was laughing as well. The two of them would make eye contact, and then they'd start laughing all over again, until Dan's face was red, and Arin was coughing. 

"But seriously," Arin said, when he'd finally caught his breath enough that he could speak again, "you should totally watch porn with whoever you're dating. Like, as a sexy thing."

"I don't get it," said Dan. "Why _watch_ porn then you can make your own porn! Without a camera!"

"So you can fuck," said Arin. "Since that's what sex is. Making porn without being filmed."

"How did they do it in the old days? Like, how'd they do porn before cameras?" Dan leaned back into the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him. It was an odd thing to be talking about, but they'd been filming for six hours, and his brain was _fried_. It was probably a bad idea to be talking about this kind of thing when the Lovelies could hear them - he worried that they suspected already, even if he and Arin were doing their best to be subtle. 

"Well, there's always been dirty drawings, or cartoons," said Arin. "Remember when we went to the Museum of Sex in New York, and they had that whole exhibit on the history of obscenity?"

"Those were some filthy fuckin' frescoes," agreed Dan, his expression fond. He hadn't gone to the Museum of Sex much when he had lived in New York, which was a bit of a pity, come to think of it. But he had always had a soft spot for it. 

"That was pretty neat," agreed Arin. "Remember that weird fuckin'... that short story thing?" 

"Or the old porno. Didn't Idris Elba want to name his production company after one of those?"

"Why do you _remember_ this shit?" Arin was beginning to laugh again. 

"I don't fuckin' know," said Dan, and now he was laughing again. It was like a wave cresting over him, more laughter imminent, laughter trailing behind him. It was like someone had turned the waves on in a wave pool too high, and now he was laughing so hard that he was leaning back against the back of the couch and panting like he'd run a marathon. 

"You okay?" Arin shot Dan a sidelong look, one eyebrow up.

"Yeah, I'm okay," said Dan, and he was only breaking off into the occasional spate of giggles.

"You watch porn with your friends, don't you?" Arin navigated his character around a particularly strange looking rock outcropping. 

"I mean, yeah, but that's different," said Dan.

"How is it different?"

"Like," Dan said, trying to put it into words, "like, if you're watching porn with your buddy and it's weird, but it's also funny because sex is just weird looking when you get down to it, right?"

"Right, I could agree with that," said Arin. "Like you're trying to move a flesh colored mattress with just your hips."

The picture floated across Dan's image like a projector turning on, and then he was laughing again, laughing so hard that his face was red, and Arin was laughing too. 

This was what they got for following tangents. Nonstop, gasping laughter, which they followed to their logical (or illogical) conclusions. 

"But okay, listen," Dan said, when he could breathe again. "When you're watching porn with your buddies and you get an awkward boner, it's just an awkward boner, right? Like, your buddy isn't gonna be all 'why do you get a boner at the bit where she's licking his armpit -'" 

"Were you watching _armpit_ porn with other people?" Arin put on a scandalized tone, and Dan was back to his whooping cackles. There was something especially _perfect_ about how offended he sounded. 

"But like... someone you're dating knows what you're into, right? So it starts out as, like, "wouldn't it be funny if we watched the weird armpit porno" only then you get a boner at the wrong moment, and then you're, like, fucking them and they're all "so do you want to sniff my armpits?" and you're not really sure what to do about that, because, like, what _do_ you do when you're offered some of the weird shit?"

"I mean," said Arin, "if they're being nice about it, why not try it?" He sounded so reasonable as he said it as well, and there was something especially frustrating about that. Like, what gave Arin the right to be reasonable? 

"Because," said Dan. "That kinda shit is _weird_!" Then he paused. "No offense to any Lovelies out there who have, like, an armpit thing," he added as an afterthought. "I mean, I'm sure that there's plenty of weirder shit out there."

"Dig up," Arin advised, but he was still grinning.

Dan snorted. "To any Lovelies out there that are into armpits or like... anything weirder, regardless of what that 'weirder' may be, please know that we don't judge you. We love you just the way you are, armpit fetish regardless."

"Maybe we love you _because_ of the armpit fetish," Arin chimed in.

"Oh my god, Arin," said Dan, and he prodded Arin in the side with his elbow.

"So you're afraid that whoever you're dating will see you get a boner over armpit sniffing or whatever and then they'll want to do it? Wouldn't you want to do it, if you got a boner over it?" Arin was still gnawing away at that bone, the jerk.

"Don't you ever get a boner from something you don't necessarily want to, like, do?" 

"What do you mean?" Arin was biting his lip, and his eyes were on the screen now. 

"Like, remember that time when we were playing Battle Kid and we both got those _ridiculous_ boners, even though neither of us was actually, like, turned on by Battle Kid, we were both hard for some reason."

"Well, okay, yeah," said Arin. "That is a thing. But that's different. If you're watching something sexy and you get horny, I'd think it'd be because it's a sexy thing."

"Armpit sniffing isn't sexy!" There was a faintly hysterical edge to Dan's voice, and he didn't know how to turn it off. He was laughing harder though, and Arin was laughing with him. 

"So why'd you bring it up in the first place?" 

"Because I was trying to think of the weirdest shit I could," said Dan. "How do you get any weirder than fuckin'... armpit sniffing!"

"You can go _much_ weirder than that," said Arin. "I bet -"

"You know what," Dan interrupted, "I don't think we need to go down that list. I'm sure you've seen weirder shit than I have. There's always going to be weirder shit than what I've seen, because you always go looking for the weird shit."

"I don't go _looking_ for the weird shit," Arin protested. "I just seem to... y'know, trip over it." 

“How do you trip over _that_?” Dan tried to wrap his head around the idea. “Whatever happens to be weirder than armpit fetish shit, which I’m not entirely sure I can comprehend.”

“Well,” said Arin, “you know when you’re browsing the Hub -” 

“Isn’t that a cartoon network?” Dan interrupted. “Only not, like, _the_ Cartoon Network, but you get what I mean.” 

“Okay, fine, yes, PornHub, you’re browsing PornHub and you don’t read the descriptions because they never actually explain what’s going on, you just watch the clip and it looks neat, and then… boom. Armpits. Or, you know, whatever.” 

“Wouldn’t armpit fetish be _really_ obvious?” Now Dan was going down this rabbit hole, and he was probably putting too much thought into it. He usually did put too much thought into these types of things.

“I’m not at my most coherent when I’ve got my dick in my hand!” Arin’s voice rose in pitch. 

_Or when you’ve got your dick in anyone else’s hand_, Dan almost said, but didn’t, because that wasn’t really the sort of thing that he could say on air. 

Arin shot Dan a look, and he was wearing such a 'cat got the canary' look that Dan wanted to laugh, except then he'd have to explain it. So he took a deep breath, biting his lip, and he focused on the screen. "So what's the next big boss gonna be?"

"Who fuckin' knows," said Arin, with enthusiasm."Probably just some kind of big giant sea creature. It's always big giant sea creatures." 

"The ocean is terrifying," said Dan, and he shivered theatrically, for the look of it. 

Arin snickered. "At least it probably won't be a shark," he said. "Remember that shark thing in _Okami_?"

"Don't remind me," said Dan, wrinkling his nose. "That was horrible."

"Next time on Game Grumps," said Arin, "we find out what kind of crazy weird sea creature is going to try to eat our brains!"

"Jokes on it," said Dan. "I don't have any brains to eat in the first place!"

Arin burst out laughing, and they were both still overtaken with mirth as they turned off the recording. 

"Oh my god, Arin," said Dan. "Armpit porn? _Really_?"

"Weren't you the one who started it?" Arin was giggling harder, and he draped an arm over Dan's shoulders, pulling him closer.

"Y'know, I don't actually remember," said Dan. "That was, like, five tangents ago."

Arin snorted, and he squeezed Dan. "We sure do go on a lot of 'em."

"The viewers like it," said Dan. 

"I suppose so," said Arin. 

Dan should have gotten up - he needed to order dinner, he needed to check his email, he needed to do a whole bunch of other stuff that just sort of... came with the day to day business of being a person. But he didn't. He stayed cuddled up to Arin, his eyes half shut, enjoying the sensation of being held like this, of sharing a quiet moment with Arin where he didn't have to perform for anyone, where he didn't have to do anything but _be_. 

It was a nice change.

Arin didn't expect much from him, except that he be himself. Considering how it felt like literally everyone else expected everything else from him, well... he was tired of being in the spotlight, even if he also craved it. 

"Dan?" Arin tugged on Dan's hair, and Dan came back to himself, more or less. 

"Sorry," he said, sheepish. "I got distracted."

"What are you thinking about?" Arin's tone was downright _tender_, and something twisted in Dan's chest and Dan's stomach. He was getting an emotional boner - was that even a thing?

"How you make me feel things," said Dan, because what else was he going to say?

"You feel things?" Arin pulled a ridiculous face, which got Dan cackling again. "What kinda weirdo _are_ you, feeling things?"

"I know, right?" Dan kissed Arin loudly on the temple, and Arin leaned into it. His hair was silky against Dan's nose, and his skin was very warm. He was so very _alive_, and Dan must have been feeling maudlin if he was focusing on that of all things. 

"My weirdo," Arin said in a burst of affection, and he kissed Dan on the mouth this time. 

Dan melted into the kiss, and then he broke it, and he disentangled himself regretfully. "I need to, like, go do stuff," he said. 

"What kind of stuff are we talking about here?" Arin waggled his eyebrows, looking up as Dan stood up and stretched, his arms over his head and his back arching. 

"Ordering dinner. Taking a piss. Maybe doing something as glamorous as checking my email."

"I gotta tell you," Arin said, "that rockstar life you lead? It seems to be _nonstop_ excitement."

"I do my best," said Dan, and he made his way out of the Grump room, to go get ready all the various things done that needed doing. 

"Your best is pretty good," Arin called after him. 

Dan tried not to grin too hard at that - it was just _banter_, Arin wasn't actually complimenting him about anything in particular! So why did he feel so nice about it? 

* * *

Dan jerked off to porn that night. He tried not to do it too often - he liked porn, it was true, but he didn't want to end up at the point where other people having sex got him more worked up than the idea of himself having sex. He had also heard some horror stories about what too much masturbation could do to a person. Not in the "you'll go blind" or "you'll grow hair on your hands" sort of way, but in the standard terror stories of death grip.

Maybe he was overthinking it, but as he lay in bed, his hand loosely wrapped around his cock, all he could think of was that whole conversation he'd had about watching porn with Arin. 

"What would be the point of jerking off with someone else, anyway?" He said aloud in his bedroom. "Like, why jerk off with someone when you could just have sex with them?"

Even Dan had to admit that sometimes what he _really_ wanted was to have a chance to get off, regardless of whether it was with another person or not. He liked to have sex, make no mistake, but there was a visceral satisfaction to having a self induced orgasm. Maybe because nobody knew how to get him off as well as he could get himself off. He sighed, paging through the various thumbnails, and he tried not to think of the fucking... armpit porn that Arin had been going on about. He wasn't sure why he was so surprised at that. What had been that butchered Midsummer Night's Dream quote he'd seen once? Something about there being more perversity on heaven or earth than dreamed of in philosophy, or something like that?

Dan must have been in a mood, if he was butchering Shakespeare quotes with his hand around his cock. Maybe it was a sign that he'd been working too hard lately. 

As if he ever worked any other way. 

He sighed, bringing one hand over his face. Maybe he was too porn dependent. He remembered being a teenager, and being able to get off from the memory of seeing someone's bra strap. He had, admittedly, seen a lot more bra straps since then, so he may have been a bit inured to them at this point, but... still. It wasn't like he needed porn when he was fucking around with Arin. 

Although watching porn with Arin - watching porn with Arin that wasn't just the two of them joking around about porn, or finding the weird shit to make the other one uncomfortable... that could be fun. Sort of. If he thought about it too hard, he ended up feeling all squirrely, although fucked if he knew why. Was he embarrassed at the idea of watching porn for reasons other than to make fun of it? There was, admittedly, a bit of an issue with being seen as sincere. He was as much a child of the modern age as anyone else, and he knew that sincerity tended to be looked down on. He had been guilty of it himself. 

He had to turn off that part of himself. Metaphorically turn it off, since other bits of him were _very_ much turned on. He stroked himself, from root to tip, and he let himself lean back into his pillows, letting the fantasy spin itself out in his head, like a movie. That was the nice thing about having your own fantasies, wasn't it? You could do all the metaphorical directing, without complaining about things you didn't want to see. 

Dan squeezed his eyes shut, and he imagined Arin on the bed with him. The two of them didn't usually jerk off together - if someone was horny, they fucked. They didn't just jerk off together, as nice as the idea was, in its own way. He sighed, and he tugged on his own hair, trying to get his head into some kind of working order. He wanted to get off. He'd been doing that since he'd been able to get boners. He would get himself off, and then he would consider all the deeper implications. It couldn't be much more complicated than that, could it?

He sighed, and he held his dick in one hand, rubbing the palm of his hand over the tip of his cock with his other hand, spreading more of his pre-come around it. He sighed, humping up into it, and he let his fantasy overtake him. Him and Arin, sitting on the couch together... maybe not touching. Not touching, but they'd be able to see each other, and then Arin would pull his cock out, and it would be hard. It would be hard and it would be _mouthwatering_, and for all that he had been so reluctant to try dick back in the day, ye gods but he was into it now. He sighed, and he held the sense memory of Arin's cock in his hand, the heft and the heat of it. He moaned, beginning to stroke himself a little harder. 

The last time they'd jokingly watched porn together, they'd been watching it in the back seat of a van. It had been before a show, and the both of them liked the way it left them antsy and hyped up. They hadn't been together at that point - not like they were capital-T Together now, and that had been a revelation in and of itself, that they could be a Thing. Dan still couldn't quite believe how lucky he was, to get to be with Arin. Although now he seemed to be drowning in the gushy feelings, which wasn't doing anything to make his boner go soft, but also wasn't really the kind of stuff that he needed to have a good orgasm. 

"This used to be easier," he said to the room at large.

The room at large didn't answer him, thank fuck, because that would have been weird, but... still. 

Dan sighed, and he went back to the porn. He'd find something to get off to. Although since when did getting off feel like such a chore, and not at hing that he actually _wanted_ to do. Was modern life getting too complicated for him, that he wasn't even able to prioritize his own pleasure?

Dan groaned like he was in pain, and he groped for his phone. 

_Your porn watching idea won't leave my head_, he texted Arin. 

_What about it is sticking around?_ Arin responded almost immediately. He must have been having quite a bout of insomnia, if he was responding that quickly. 

_I don't even know_, Dan typed. _Something about it feels vaguely squirrely, but not in a way I can put my thumb on_.

_It must be pretty big, if you can't put YOUR thumb on it_, was Arin's response. _Also wow, I've never seen someone use the term "squirrely" before_. 

Dan snorted, and he was grinning in spite of himself. _I used it the other day_, he protested. _It's a perfectly cromulent word_. 

_I cannot believe you just said that_, read Arin's next tweet. Holy shit.

_Is it better or worse that I've got my dick out while I say it?_ Dan gave himself another stroke, and his cock twitched in his hand. At least it seemed to be enjoying the banter. Sort of.

_You are such a weirdo_, read Arin's text. _I just had to look up what cromulent means_.

_See, you didn't spend enough time stoned off of your ass reading the dictionary_, texted Dan. _You'd be amazed the shit that you can learn that way_.

_When I was stoned, I'm still amazed I was able to even keep in linear time_, said Arin. 

Dan rubbed his face, and he stretched out some more, to get more comfortable. _It depends on a whole bunch of stuff_, he said. _I was a pretty experienced pot smoker by that point_.

_Also a giant nerd, if you were reading the dictionary_, said Arin. 

_Listen_, Dan typed out, _high Dan has a weird attention span_.

_Sober Dan has apparently paused his jerking off to go text me to complain about how he couldn't jerk off because I made a jokey suggestion_.

Dan's stomach sank like a stone. _Was it a joke?_ His boner was starting to wilt. 

_Do I ever take anything seriously?_ Was Arin's almost immediate response. 

Dan stared up at ceiling, and half a dozen snarky responses rose to the top of his mind. Finally, he typed out _don't leave me an opening like that_.

_What do you mean, an opening like that?_

_There are so many responses to that_, typed out Dan, _and a lot of them are pretty fucked up_.

_I thought you'd outgrown your teenage edgelord phase_, said Arin.

_Teenage edgelord-hood is a state of mind, not a thing you can outgrow_, Dan typed back. 

_Do you want to see the porno I was jerking off to earlier?_

Dan shivered. That was... intense, although he wasn't sure why he was feeling it so much. Was there anything particularly weird about this? He knew that Arin watched porn, knew that Arin jerked off. It wasn't any different from that, right? 

Dan sighed, and he tried to make himself relax a little deeper into his pillows. _Sure_, he told Arin. _Send it along_. 

_I should try to sleep_, said Arin's message, and then there was a link. _Tell me what you think in the morning?_

_I feel like you're sending me this porn to critique_, typed out Dan. _Should I make comments about filming angles?_

_Sure, if you want to_, said Arin, then he sent a little kissy face emoji. 

Dan snorted. Oh, Arin. 

* * * 

It took Dan a surprising amount of time to steel himself to open the link that Arin had sent him. Who knew he was such a weenie? What was he even so anxious about? Even before he and Arin had gotten together, he had known a bit about Arin's porn tastes. So why was he so nervous now?

Maybe there was something deeper to this, something more complicated. Maybe he was nervous about revealing something so intimate. Although then again, he had literally had Arin's dick in his ass, so how was this any different? It wasn't as if he'd never let Arin in, in every sense of the word. 

So why was he feeling so... well, squirrely? He sighed again, looking down at his wilting erection, and then he clicked the link, wrapping a hand around the base of his cock, moving up to the head and squeezing it carefully. He rubbed his thumb across the tip of it, spreading some of his pre-come around and he sighed as the porno began to play.

It was a gay porn - Arin always had a thing for gay porn, even before either of them had really admitted that they liked guys. It was a weird one to think about, in certain respects - could you go into nature versus nurture debates about porn? Then again, you didn't want to go down that road, because then a certain flavor of unsavory person would... well, they'd take it places that Dan didn't want to think about going. But Dan's cock was hard, as he watched the two men kiss.

They were good looking men, at least, and they were kissing outside on a patio somewhere. It looked like a fancy, well appointed patio, with the kind of wicker furniture that Dan associated with a certain type of period drama. Not that Dan watched a lot of period dramas, but... still. Suzy sometimes liked to put them on when he was visiting, if she was in the right sort of mood. 

He sighed, and he watched the two men on the wicker couch kiss. Neither of them looked particularly like him or Arin, but there was a sweetness to the scene that reminded him of his own intimate moments with Arin. It was weird, to see something like that reflected in porn, but then again, Arin had good porn taste. When he wasn't in a trolling mood.

At least it wasn't armpit porn, like Arin had been talking about. It was normal gay porn. Maybe sweeter than usual gay porn, but Dan didn't exactly look for that. How would you even put that into a search engine, while you were looking for it? "Emotional" or something?

... Dan was getting lost in his thoughts again, which was probably a sign that he was nervous. He always got caught up in things when he was nervous. At least he could admit that he was doing it, right? He focused his attention back on the screen, and he began to pump his cock in slow, easy strokes. He was panting, open mouthed, and his hips rolled forward as he humped into his fist. He was beginning to get warm, and the familiar tension was building in his gut. What would he do, if Arin was here with him?

He imagined Arin on the bed next to him, stroking just as fast, just as desperate. Arin's hips rolling forward, humping into his own fist, Arin's head tilted back. He'd probably be stealing glances back at Dan, because that was what he did when they were doing a funny bit, and this was a bit like doing a funny bit, wasn't it? Only it wasn't exactly like doing a funny bit, because they weren't... performing. 

They were doing this for each other, and in theory Dan didn't have to worry about Arin seeing the stupid, spacey look he got on his face when he was especially horny. It wasn't as if Arin hadn't seen him stupidly horny before. Admittedly, it was usually because Arin was fucking him, or he was fucking, but there was a difference between that and, well... being seen jerking off. Jerking off was intimate and weird, and jerking off to _porn_ seemed to be even more so, for some reason that Dan couldn't put his finger on. 

He kept his eyes on the screen, and he imagined Arin's hand reaching out for his own, Arin's fingers over his own as he jerked off. Although did that count as jerking off together, if Arin was stroking him off? That felt like cheating, in a weird way, only it also _wasn't_, because in what universe would he complain about being given a hand job?

"This shit is too complicated," Dan grumbled, but he began to stroke himself a little faster, squeezing his eyes shut again. It kind of defeated the point of having the porn playing, but it made it easier for him to concentrate on what he was doing. Arin next to him, breathing heavily the way he always did when he was getting close, humping into his own fist, his head thrown back, his mouth wide open. Arin, fucking his own fist, leaning back into the pillows and letting himself drown in the sensations. 

Arin's hand was bigger than his, and maybe he could jerk Arin off, and Arin could jerk him off. They could have an ouroboros of jerking off, and... actually.

Dan paused. 

"Ouroboros of jerking off" would make a pretty wicked Ninja Sex Party song title. Of course, he had to text that to Brian, and then he was groaning, humping into his hand all over again. He jerked himself harder, trying to turn off the bits of his brain that did the writing so that he could he enjoy his masturbation session.

Maybe Dan just needed to be fucked. He needed to be fucked so hard that he stopped pulling at his own brain, and just enjoy himself. He let himself imagine that - let himself imagine being bent over in the Grump room, right over the back of the couch. He'd hold his ass open for Arin, and Arin would sink in as deep as he could, would hilt himself inside of Dan, and Dan would moan like he was moaning now, moan along with the guy on the porno.

What if he watched porn while getting fucked? That would be a happy medium, right? God, Arin was good with his dick. Arin was good riding dick, Arin was good giving dick, Arin was just good with dick in general, which was weird considering he didn't have a super amount of experience, at least compared to Dan. Although maybe that was mean.

Dan cried out as he came across his own fist, his come dripping down the backs of his knuckles, and he was shaking, his mouth wide open as he panted. He was overheating, his whole body shaking as the world swam back into focus. Then he stared down at his sticky fist, and he grimaced. "I've got a complex," he said out loud, and then he snickered a bit in spite of himself. He sure did have a complex, if he was falling to pieces like this over the idea of some mutual masturbation. It had never been a thing that he was particularly interested in, per se, but he wasn't sure why he was so anxious about it in the first place.

Maybe he just needed to calm down about it, and keep going. Well, not keep going with the masturbation session... he squeezed his dick, and he grimaced - that was _sensitive_, although wow that had been a whizzbang of an orgasm. Maybe it would do him some good to introduce some porn into things. 

As it were.

* * *

"So what'd you think of that video I sent you the other night?" Arin was driving the two of them to lunch, a few days later.

"The one with the kitten stuck in the toilet paper tube?" Dan screwed his head up, and he yawned. He was more tired than he had a right to be, all things considered. 

"No, the porno one," said Arin. "The one I got off to," he added, and now he sounded almost... shy, which was unexpected. Arin wasn't usually one to get shy about the stuff that got him off.

"Oh!" Dan blushed, and he tried not to stutter. "I, uh, I liked it. It was nice."

"Was it, like, _nice_, or was it just nice?" Arin waggled his eyebrows - if he hadn't been driving, he probably would have done some kind of ridiculous hand motion to go along with it. That was one of the many reasons he loved Arin so much. 

"It was great," said Dan. "I, uh, I think I have a few hang ups, that's all."

"You don't say," Arin said, his voice as dry as bones.

"We should watch a porno together," Dan said in a rush. "Not for a joke. For real."

"Dan," said Arin, and he glanced at Dan, one hand over his heart, "are you saying that every other time we've watched porn together, it _wasn't_ for real?"

Dan opened his mouth to say something reassuring... and then closed it, rolling his eyes. "You are _such_ an asshole," he told Arin, but he was grinning.

"You're just saying that 'cause you've been in mine," said Arin, and he sounded downright _smug_. He wore smug a bit too well. 

"Oh my god, Arin," Dan said, and he was starting to giggle again, which would have been embarrassing if he had any embarrassment left in him. "I cannot _believe_ you just said that."

"Yes you can," said Arin. "That is, like, _the_ most on brand thing for me to say."

"On brand," Dan echoed, and he snorted. "Your brand is talking about your asshole."

"I told the entire internet that I like to stuck things in my ass when I'm masturbating," said Arin. "What else would my brand be? Shame?"

"Sailor Moon," said Dan. "Pink. Cats."

"See, I don't get why it would be cats. I don't even _like_ cats that much."

"You like your cats," said Dan. 

"Well, yeah, but that's different. Those are _my_ cats, not just some random cat off the street." 

"If I saw a cat off the street I'd want to rescue it," said Dan. "I know the street isn't a good place for cats."

"Okay, you've got a point there," said Arin, and then he made a face. "Stop derailing."

"No way," said Dan, and he was _aware_ of his face going soft even as he said it. "It's fun to watch you derail."

"There's a lot of metaphorical screaming and things on fire," said Arin. "Massive loss of life."

"Well, that's a pity," said Dan. 

Arin's hand was on Dan's knee now, and Dan's hand covered Arin's, squeezing it. His knuckles were like blades thrust into the soft earth, pressing up into his skin. "Oh well," he said, then; "would you _really_ rescue a cat you saw on the street?" 

"I totally would," said Dan. "I'd probably bring it to the ASPCA or whatever, but I'd definitely get it."

"See, every time you get weird and neurotic about shit, you have to go along and be _cute_ like that," said Arin, and he sounded almost aggravated. "Like, don't get me wrong, I adore you, but sometimes you have to go and be cute, and I don't know what to do with myself."

"Do you want me to be less cute?"

"I don't know," said Arin. "I don't know if it's even _possible_ for you to be less cute."

"That may have been the corniest thing you ever said," Dan said, and his voice was dripping with affection.

"I can make it weird, if you'd like," said Arin. "Or gross. I'm good at gross. I'm sure there's -"

"I can see where you're going with this, or at least one of the places you may be going with this, and I'm going to pump the brakes on this conversation right _now_," Dan said, and he prodded Arin in the side. 

Arin made an indignant noise, swatting away at the hand that was poking him. "You're mean," he told Dan.

"I'm really mean," Dan agreed. "The absolute worst."

"And somehow, you still manage to be cute."

"Yeah, yeah," Dan said, making a dismissive hand gesture. He was still grinning, though, and his cheeks were turning red. 

They stopped at a stop light, and Arin leaned over to give Dan a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek. "So what kind of porno do you wanna watch?"

"What?" Dan's head was spinning, from the intense wave of affection that was threatening to engulf him and from the rapid subject change.

"We're gonna watch porn together. All sexy and shit. So what kind of porn do you want to watch?"

"Oh," said Dan, and he swallowed, his throat clicking. "Something that's not armpit porn?"

"Ruin all my fun, why don't you?" Arin grumbled, and then he burst out laughing. It was the kind of laughter that Dan couldn't help but join in on, because, well... how could he not? It was all so _ridiculous_ for him to feel so awkward about this, so dumb to be uncomfortable, and yet. His stomach was all knotted up, with arousal and anxiety and who even knew what else was trying to crawl its way out of his throat.

"Sorry," said Dan, and maybe he sounded more dejected than he had meant to, because Arin patted him on the leg again.

"Don't be," said Arin, and he gave a gusty sigh. "I know that you get all up in your head about stuff, and it ends up making you crazy."

"I try not to let it," said Dan. "Just... you know."

"Yeah, I get it," said Arin. "Before I had really started to sort out some of my own issues, I know that I had a lot of internal screaming."

"Now you've got a bunch of external screaming," said Dan.

"Right!" Arin said, his voice cheerful. "I just found a way to monetize that. It's pretty great!"

Dan snorted - how could he disagree with that? "Just gotta monetize all of your insecurities until they're all people want from you."

"Oh my god," said Arin. "That took a downright _depressive_ turn."

"Just imagine we're on the Grump couch right now," said Dan. "Some game going on endlessly in front of us -"

"I like the short, stupid ones better," Arin cut in.

"Well, regardless, some kind of game is going on in front of us," said Dan, "and we can just go on a tangent about whatever."

"We can go on a tangent about whatever... whenever. Wherever. We just need to be talking."

"I'm sure under certain circumstances we could stay on topic," Dan said thoughtfully. "If someone held a gun to our heads."

"Well, okay, yes, that would fuck up my ability to go on tangents," said Arin. "If there was a gun to my head I think the only thing I'd be able to think about would probably be 'holy fuck there's a gun to my head', but that's not exactly a situation either of us is going to end up in, is it?" 

Dan shrugged. "It helps to plan for the eventualities," he said. 

"Don't say it like that," Arin complained.

"Like what?"

"Like that's an eventuality, not just a freakish occurrence that probably won't happen in the first place," said Arin. "You're gonna bring on my own paranoia."

"Sorry," said Dan. "But."

"But," Arin echoed.

"We should watch porn together," Dan said.

"Why?"

"Do you want the diplomatic answer, or the honest one?" 

"Give me both and I'll go with whichever one I like better," said Arin. 

"That's cheating," Dan accused.

"It's not like we're playing a game," Arin countered.

Dan flapped a hand, but he was beginning to giggle. "Okay, fine," he said. "The diplomatic answer is that it'll bring us closer together as a couple."

"Fair enough, fair enough," said Arin.

"The honest answer is that I can't stop thinking about it, and I figure if I just _do_ it I'll stop obsessing." 

"I dunno," Arin said. "You're a pretty obsessive guy. How do you know this won't turn into some weird _new_ obsession?" 

"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it," Dan said, possibly a tad more forcefully then he meant to.

Arin burst out laughing, and Dan prodded him in the side. "What?"

"It's we'll _cross_ that bridge when we come to it," Arin corrected. "Burning bridges is a totally different thing."

"I mean," said Dan, "maybe it'll end up so bad that it'll burn the whole bridge that is our relationship."

"It would have to be some truly _gnarly_ porn to destroy all these years of what we've got," said Arin, with more authority than Dan expected. 

"How gnarly are we talking?"

"The kind of gnarly that I don't even wanna think about," Arin said, and he wrinkled his nose. 

"It must be gnarly, if even you're getting squicked by it," said Dan. 

"Squicked?" Arin looked interested. 

"Yeah. Isn't that, like, a great term?" Dan grinned. 

"It sure does convey the meaning you're trying to get," Arin agreed. "So what kinda porn are we watching?"

"I don't know," said Dan. "I figured we could figure it out... y'know, together."

"Aw," said Arin. "That is simultaneously the most perverted and most romantic thing you've ever said to me."

"That is _not_ true," said Dan. "I've said stuff much more perverse and more romantic than that!"

"Alright, maybe, yeah, but... still."

"Still?"

"Still!"

Dan snorted. "That's not a viable argument," he told Arin.

"So you choose the porn," said Arin. 

"But -"

"What are you so worried about?" Arin looked at Dan sidelong, one eyebrow up. 

"Well," said Dan, and he tried to put his anxiety into words. Was there a way to say _I'm worried you'll judge me for what I get off to_ without actually sounding quite so... pathetic? Was that pathetic in the first place, or was that just his own anxiety yelling at him?

"Well?"

"What if... what if we get off to different sorts of things?" Dan was aware he sounded kind of silly, but... meh.

Arin shrugged. "Well, I trust you," he said, and then he grinned a bit. "I mean, if it helps you feel any better, I've gotten off to just about everything."

"What, everything-everything?" Dan was aware of his eyes going wide.

"Not, like, _everything_-everything," said Arin. "Everything has been legal. And there need to be pussies or dicks or asses or... something. I haven't been jerking off to those videos of people stepping in pie or revving cars or stuff like that."

"Stepping in... pie?" Dan was intrigued in spite of himself. "Is there anything, like, sexy in it?" 

"Nope," said Arin. "It's just stepping in pies."

"Does someone at least lick the pie off of someone's feet?"

"Would you wanna lick pie off of someone's feet?" Arin asked it as if it was just an idle question. 

"I mean, no," said Dan, "but if someone is going to go to all the effort of making a pie, it should at least get _tasted_! You don't want to waste all that pie."

"Waste the pie," Arin echoed, deadpan.

"What kind of pie are we talking about in the first place? Like, is this one of those pies that's just pudding in a graham cracker shell, or is this an actual pie?"

"I didn't know you were a pie snob," said Arin. "Since when do you have such feelings?"

"I like sweet stuff," said Dan, "but if it's going to be something tasty, I want to feel like I'm eating something. Not just mush."

"Do you not like cheesecake?"

"Oh, no," said Dan. "I _love_ cheesecake. I might even get into a fight with someone, if they were stepping into cheesecake!"

"Why?" Arin looked like he was going to start giggling again. 

"Well," said Dan, "cheesecake is, like, a gift from whatever benevolent forces there are in the universe to prove that the world isn't as horrible as we thought it was."

Arin snorted. "And you don't think that feet deserve cheesecake?"

"Human beings aren't butterflies!" Dan sputtered. 

"... What?" Arin looked momentarily nonplussed.

"Butterflies taste with their feet," said Dan, and he preened. "All those _Ranger Rick_ magazines my mom got me served a purpose after all!" 

"You are such a weirdo," said Arin, his tone affectionate. 

"And this is why you shouldn't trust me when it comes to choosing the porn," said Dan. 

"You have literally been listening to me talk about armpit porn," said Arin. "How is that not any less weird?"

"... I can't argue with that logic," said Dan, "and yet I feel like I should."

"You're an argumentative person in general," said Arin.

"You're the Grump, I'm the Not So Grump, remember?" 

"Well, yes, but being Grumpy is different from being argumentative," said Arin. 

"I'm the chillest guy around," Dan protested.

"So you'll do great with getting the porn," said Arin. 

"Fine, fine," Dan said. "But don't hold it against me if I end up choosing the wrong thing."

"Literally all I wanna see is things going into other things," said Arin. “I am simple like that.”

"I thought you liked weird kinky shit," said Dan. 

"I mean, I do," said Arin, "but I figure that the fact that we're watching porn together will more than make up for that."

"Wow," said Dan. "I don't know if that was romantic or just weird." 

"Why can't it be both?" Arin pulled a funny face, which got Dan giggling again. 

"That is the nature of our relationship, I'll admit," said Dan. "Fine. I'll find us some porn."

"I knew you would!"

* * *

It was a lot more difficult, finding the right kind of porn. Dan didn't want Arin to think he was _boring_, where he just watched some blond give a blowjob and get nailed. Even though that was a good chunk of what he watched. Maybe he was pedestrian.

But he also didn't want it to be anything too... well, too weird. He wanted to make sure it was something that he'd actually be able to get off to. What if his taste was too pedestrian, and Arin judged him for that?

Was there even such a thing as pedestrian porn? 

"Goddamn it," Dan said. "I'm making this too difficult."

Things going into things. That was what Arin had asked for. How hard could it be?

He'd choose a couple, let Arin choose the rest. Arin wasn't that picky when it came to porn, was he? Anyway, Arin knew all of Dan's weird... stuff to begin with, so it wasn't as if there would be any especially unpleasant surprises for either of them. They'd talked about their kinks, even the weird shit, and even if Dan was kind of... shy about admitting to some of his, he had gotten to it, eventually. 

He clicked on a likely looking video, and he tried to ignore the way he was getting hard as he watched it. He was nervous. He was nervous, but he'd be okay. It would all be okay. 

_It would be_!

* * *

"Ready to go dig into the depths of the porn based depravity?" Arin said by way of greeting, as he came into Dan's house, kicking his shoes off and making his way towards Dan's living room couch.

"I can't believe you said that," Dan groaned, closing the door behind Arin. "I think you might need to speak up. The neighbors on the other side of the street might not have heard you."

Arin took a deep breath, as if he was about to shout... and then let it go when he caught the panicked expression on Dan's face. "You're really anxious about this, huh?" His tone was sympathetic. 

"Yeah," Dan said, and he dragged his hand across his face. "I don't even know _why_, since it's not like this is our first time around the metaphorical block." 

"You're neurotic," Arin said, not unkindly. 

"Thanks," Dan said, and he flopped onto the couch next to Arin. "But, like, the metaphorical block could also have developed new pot holes, or patches of ice -"

"We live in California," Arin interrupted. "Why would there be icy patches?"

"It's a metaphorical block," said Dan. "I grew up with snow, so on my metaphorical street there will sometimes be ice."

"So what is this metaphorical ice representing?"

"I thought you were going to say "metamorphic" for a minute, and was going to make some joke about rocks," Dan admitted.

Arin snorted. "I never saw you as a geology nerd," he said.

"I have layers," Dan said, with as much dignity as he could.

Arin snorted. "And apparently a whole complex about porn, which is surprising me."

Dan sighed, and he leaned into Arin, his head on Arin's shoulder. "What if I'm doing it wrong," he said, and maybe his voice sounded more plaintive than he intended it to, because Arin gave him a tight squeeze. 

"There's no wrong," Arin said. "As long as you're not about to show me, like, snuff porn."

"_God_ no," Dan said, with feeling.

"See, then you're good," said Arin, and he kissed the top of Dan's head, then; "if you're really not sure if you're up for it," he began. 

"No, I want to do it," Dan said quickly. "I just need to get out of my own head and do it."

"What are you so nervous about, in the first place?" Arin's fingers were rested on Dan's head, tugging gently on Dan's hair, and Dan sighed, leaning into it.

"It's... complicated," Dan said. "Because, like, what if I look weird when I'm jerking off? And yeah, I know, we've had sex, but sex is different from jerking off. And what if I can't get hard because we usually watch porn and we make fun of it, so I associate us watching porn with it just being jokes. Or what if -"

"Okay, so," Arin said, interrupting him, "we've had sex. I know what you look like when you're about to come, when you're coming, when you're having trouble coming but you want to... don't worry about that. And if it doesn't work, then..." Arin shrugged. "Hey man, I'm always happy to get a good laugh in." 

"Right," said Dan, and then he leaned in and kissed Arin, because the energy that was trying to get out of him was leaving him twitching. He kissed Arin, and Arin kissed him back, thick, blunt hands going to Dan's face, his fingers sliding into Dan's hair. 

Dan sighed into the kiss, melting into Arin. He opened his mouth, to let Arin's tongue in, and took the invitation, his tongue against Dan's. It was sweet kissing Arin, sweet and safe and comfortable, familiar as his own bed. He loved that about Arin - loved how _easy_ it was for him to be with Arin, how easy it was for the two of them to just melt into each other. He pulled back, panting, and he pressed his nose against Arin's, rubbing them together. 

"You are such a big gooey idiot, you know that?" Arin's tone was affectionate.

"I never hid that fact," Dan pointed out. 

"That is true! I knew you were a gooey idiot from the get go," Dan pointed out. "It was part and parcel."

"Bring on the porn," said Arin. "I wanna continue this experiment."

"Experiment," Dan deadpanned. "Is that all this is to you?"

"I mean," Arin said, "worst case scenario, it's weird and awkward and we laugh about it and then get on with our lives." 

"... I mean, fair, but also how do I get on with my life if I know for the rest of time that you think I have boring taste in porn?"

"You say boring, I say appreciative of the classics," said Arin.

"What, like _Behind the Green Door_?"

"I can't believe you know a classic pornographic off the top of your head," said Arin, and he was starting to chuckle.

"In _fairness_," Dan protested, "I know that one because of Idris Elba."

"... I feel like there's a whole story behind that, but right now I just want to keep making out with you and watch porn," said Arin. "How does that sound?"

"I can find a way to fit that into my schedule," Dan said, breathless. "Somehow."

"Good to know," said Arin, and he kissed along Dan's neck, his beard and mustache ticklish against the sensitive skin. 

* * *

Dan wasn't paying a lot of attention to what was on screen - go figure. He lay under Arin, and he was kissed - kissed and kissed, until his chest was going to burst and his whole self was floating about half a foot above himself. He pulled back, panting, and he rubbed his nose against Arin's, aware that his expression was dopey. "You're a good kisser," he told Arin, and his voice only cracked a little bit.

"I do my best," Arin demurred, and he rolled his hips forward, then glanced over at the television, where a dark haired man was eating out a blond woman with a great deal of enthusiasm. 

"Do you?" Dan ground his own hips forward, and his hands skated across Arin's back, squeezing it, then digging his nails in the way he knew Arin liked. 

"I very much do," said Arin, and he nipped Dan's shoulder. "God, I almost feel like a teenager again, except I never had the guts to actually watch porn on the big TV." 

"Did you have enough game as a teenager to actually, like, make out with people on couches when you were a teenager?" Dan arched his back and spread his legs a little wider, letting one of his feet land flat on the floor. "If that's the case, you were doing a lot better than I was!"

"I mean," said Arin, and he sounded sheepish, "I wasn't, but like... the _idea_ of being a teenager."

"The idea of being a teenager," Dan echoed, and then he pulled Arin closer to him, so that they could keep grinding together, his own knee pressed between Arin's, so that Arin could grind into it.

Arin was panting, his breath humid and hot on Dan's face. He moaned when Dan tugged on his hair, letting his own body go faintly boneless on top of Dan. Being pinned like this was weirdly calming - it was like being covered in a weighted blanket, only warmer and breathing. He could feel Arin's heartbeat thundering away in his rib cage, and Dan's own heart seemed to be matching up to it. Everything was... sweaty, and it was all enough to make Dan's head spin. He moaned into the kiss, his hands going up and down Arin's sides, and Arin shuddered, then broke the kiss to giggle.

"That is, like, _super_ ticklish," grumbled Arin, and he moaned and gave a particularly clever little wriggle of his hips, which made Dan's own hips buck. He didn't want to come in his pants, per se, but that seemed to be more and more likely. He could have taken his pants off, could have gotten naked, could have led Arin into the bedroom and fucked him or been fucked by him. Hell, Dan could have bent Arin over the arm of the couch, eaten his ass until it was sufficiently wet, then slid home. But all of those involved unseating Arin, and that was the _last_ thing that Dan wanted to do right now.

Dan moaned as he was kissed again, and Arin was grabbing him by the hips, keeping him more or less in place. "You look so hot like this," Arin murmured against Dan's lips. "Maybe we should do a sex tape. Watch our own fuckin' porn."

Dan made some kind of surprised noise, and his hips stuttered forward.

"Yeah, that'd be amazing," Arin said, and he bore down a little harder, humping with full force now. He was pressing his knee up against Dan's cock, and Dan was beginning to shake as he clutched at Arin's shirt. Distantly, Dan was aware of the way the woman on the television was moaning, but that seemed to be happening a long way off. That wasn't a thing that Dan needed to be concerned with. All Dan needed to think about was the way that Arin was pressing closer to him, the way Arin's mouth was so hot and wet against his own, the way his own body was arching up to meet Arin's. The two of them were writhing around like a pair of snakes in a nest, and oh god, Arin was grabbing Dan's hair now, grabbing it and giving it a _yank_, and it turned out that was enough to send Dan over the edge.

Dan came in his pants, sobbing in a way he would deny fervently in the future. He was shaking as he did so, and he clung to Arin, as Arin began to grind himself harder, until Arin was going utterly still and rigid over him as well.

Then Arin flopped down, and he groaned. "So," he said, in a voice that was entirely too reasonable to be that post-coital, "next time, how about we try the porn watching without any pants?"

Dan flushed so hard he was a little afraid he'd pass out, but he nodded.


End file.
